Everyone smiles and tells me to cheer up,
None understands I'm standing in the rain.
A phrase or a song, a place where we once supped;
Everything now is just a source of pain.
May was a hard month. Between Gina's going away for an extended weekend and our consecutive bouts of not feeling well, my honey and I didn't get to spend nearly enough time together these past four weeks as I'd've liked. Sigh... The absence of her is always a palpable weight on my shoulders, lifted only by my seeing her again.
The month wasn't all bad, of course. We did go out for brunch on Mother's Day with my family and my brother-in-law's family, and Gina's daughter Hannah stole the spotlight once again. She showed herself to be quite a ham, reveling in the pictures I took with the digital camera and insisting on seeing each before calling for another. Gina and I got a picture together with our officially licensed 'Neo' and 'Trinity' sunglasses, too. Heh-heh... I made my first meat loaf one night, which we enjoyed with some rice pilaf and veggies. And I prepared a nice chicken parmigiana dinner, with gnocchi and sun-dried tomatoes instead of spaghetti, to celebrate Gina's birthday. Yummy cheesecake, too... and I think she liked all her presents, including the emerald ring. She got flowers twice last month, and a Vermont Teddy Bear for Mother's Day. And Gina and I took my parents and Hannah out for dinner for my father's birthday at the end of the month; it was Gina's first taste of Cuban (well, other than Cuban sandwiches), and we all enjoyed our meals.
I finished recording the last track I needed for Joy in the New, "Today," in May as well; in fact, the song is dedicated to Gina as a birthday gift. The album's artwork was completed and put together last month, too, and I started mixing everything for the final package, though that won't be completed until (hopefully) this month. I expect the album itself will be replicated and ready for sale by mid-July. E-mail me for more info... There's stuff for sale in the Shop, go check it out.
June has started out very badly, though. Gina has ended our relationship. :\ We were happy together, and we still care for each other very deeply, but my love is still working through some issues in her life and has decided that it would be better and fairer for us both if she worked through them alone. I'm not at all certain I agree, but I don't have a choice in the matter. We shared a very painful episode this past month, and I think it helped push her toward a decision she'd been struggling with for a while. I can only hope that she comes through this still wanting to be with me. "If she knew what she wants / He'd be giving it to her..." At the moment, I'm finding it hard to sleep or eat. Or breathe. Saturday night, we held hands under the dinner table, and had strawberry shortcake and coffee at my parents'; Monday night, she told me she felt she wasn't being fair to me and had to let me go for both our sakes.
There's nothing more to be said, really. Either love will find a way, and
my life can be happy again, or it won't, and the depression will smother me once more. It's
ironic that I'll be releasing an album called Joy in the New, with several happy songs
I wrote for/about her, just a few weeks after she broke my heart. Nonetheless, it will still
be dedicated to her. Talk to you next month...
- A (firstname.lastname@example.org)