What the- Frequently Asked Questions?!?


  1. Why in the world do you have an FAQ?!?
    1. Seriously?

  2. What's the big idea with this Web site?
    1. When did you start working on it?
    2. When will you stop working on it?
    3. Yeah, but-
    4. How often do you update the site?
    5. Why isn't there a whole lot of personal stuff about you here?

  3. What kind of a name is Andersen Silva, anyway?

  4. What are you, gay?

  5. I heard a rumour-

  6. Aren't you a mixed martial arts fighter?

  7. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

  8. If the bird of (American) justice is the bald eagle, and the bird of peace is the dove, then what is the bird of happiness?

  9. What would you do for a Klondike® Bar?

  10. How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?

  11. How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?

  12. Why haven't we seen more of Skinny the Foo?

  13. I thought your hair was blond. It looks dark to me.

  14. What's up with your hair, anyway?

  15. Do you really have a thing for blondes?

  16. Why does love got to be so sad?

  17. Do you work here?

  18. Have you found Jesus?

  19. What is the meaning of life?

  20. Surely you can't be serious!

  21. Do you come here often?

  22. What's your marital status?

  23. Who are/were your heroes?

  24. Do you smoke?

  25. Do you, like, get high and stuff?

  26. Pepsi or Coke?

  27. Burger King or McDonald's?

  28. Mac or PC?

  29. Boxers or briefs?

  30. John or Paul?

  31. Half-full or half-empty?

  32. Cats or dogs?

  33. What is your favorite...?

  34. What... is your favorite color?

  35. How's the music thing coming along?

  36. What would your ultimate movie be?

  37. Is the Bugle Boy jeans story true?

  38. What is the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything?

  39. Are you for real?

  40. Are you unbreakable?

  41. What does "Better that your life be a blur than a blurb" mean?

  42. Will you ever lighten up?

  43. What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

  44. What's up with the parentheses and semicolons? Sheesh!

  45. I've heard you don't sleep much.

  46. Are you a Jedi or something?

  47. Why do you have so many computers?

  48. Um... "Sexiest Geek Alive?"

  49. What tattoos and/or piercings do you have?

  50. Are we there yet?

  51. Does anybody really know what time it is?

  52. What's that up in the road, a head?

  53. Can you hear me now?

  54. Why don't you just drop dead?

  55. When did you last update this page?

  56. Why are there so few questions here?

 

  1. Why in the world do you have an FAQ?!? Well, why not? I'm sure somebody's going to ask some of these questions... Some people have asked me some of them already, and I think some of them were intelligence agents.
    1. Seriously? Hey, I can't make this stuff up.

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  2. What's the big idea with this Web site? What the hell's that supposed to mean?!? Hey, I've been lurking around in cyberspace since 1994. I recognized the Web as an ideal medium for the expression of my artistic and philosophical musings, as well as a nice place to represent myself autobiographically, and, well, here I am.
    1. When did you start working on it? The first Web site I had up was back when I was still on Netcom, probably in 1997. I hadn't yet decided to call it "Extreme Close-Up," and it wasn't much to look at, just four or five pages with two or three pictures, a few measly graphics, and some text about me. It started to grow slowly, and by the time I moved the site to Tripod, I had come up with a name and more of a concept for the site you see before you now, which has grown by leaps and bounds since then. It's now got its own domain and is hosted on MacHighway.com, a move I made when Tripod inexplicably took down my entire site while I was vacationing in Brazil in 2001. Grrr...
    2. When will you stop working on it? Never. Yesterday. Or tomorrow. Haven't decided yet.
    3. Yeah, but- Quit it. Next question, please...
    4. How often do you update the site? There really is no schedule set in stone. Back in the day, I did write a new Vitriol and come up with a new Word of the Month once a month (imagine that) for a while, but stopped doing both features years ago. Ozzy the Cat posted new journal entries at least twice a week until he passed away in late 2003. I used to create polls for you people to vote on, and for a while there was a feature called Caption that Photo...!, but eventually I realized that only three or four people ever actually participated in those things, so I abandoned them. New writing songs and pictures get added when I find myself with them, I post a new 'Blog... of Death! entry every couple of weeks, and once in a blue moon I come across a new "x walks into a bar" joke that just needs to be added to my page...
    5. Why isn't there a whole lot of personal stuff about you here? Are you serious?!? There is a whole lot of personal stuff about me here. Some might say there's TMI. It's not all on one page, though, and if you really want to learn about me, you're going to have to dig through the site and do your research. You're not going to find much detail regarding my love life, past or present, however. This is partly because I don't talk too much about it, and partly out of respect for the women involved. Partly obstinance, too, I suppose. I'll tell you almost anything about myself, but it's not my place to tell personal stories that could be embarrassing or hurtful to others, especially when there are different points of view. I have mentioned some of my ups and downs, and certainly my poetry and song lyrics and 'blog entries should give some insight. But I'm not going to discuss past or present relationships in any real depth here. There's more than enough speculation anyway.  ;-)  And that's really all I have to say about that.

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  3. What kind of a name is Andersen Silva, anyway? No kind of name. I didn't pick it! Silva is a common enough surname among Brazilians and Portuguese (and Italians, to a lesser extent), and actually it would've been da Silva. My parents reportedly each wanted a different spelling of my given name; my mother wanted 'Andersen' (though her first choice was Clayton!), my father 'Anderson.' Guess who won? It's hardly a common first name, among the Brazilians or anyone else, but I have discovered other Andersens on the Internet, and of course now there's that Anderson Silva guy... Anyway, I like my name. I just wish more of you would learn to spell it correctly!
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  5. What are you, gay? No, I'm not gay... not that there's anything wrong with that. Is that really a question, and aren't we past the point where that should be construed as a negative thing anyway? I've been the subject of many rumors over the years, with varying degrees of veracity, ranging from one or two that were completely true, to several that were completely false. I learned long ago that the best way to deal with a rumor is to ignore it, as long as that's possible. One that's cropped up more than once regards my sexuality. Guess some people need something to do... I am quite comfortable in my heterosexuality, comfortable enough to joke about it. I've never felt the need to brazenly flirt with or ogle one female after another, or to drool at strip clubs or try to pick up drunk women at bars, to prove my manhood. I know, and a few women know, just how heterosexual I am, and that's good enough for me.
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  7. I heard a rumour- Oh, great, Bananarama's in the house. Didn't I just discuss this?!? Half the lies they tell about me aren't even true. Which half? Well, there's the tricky bit. Don't expect any help from me in sorting it out. I've gotten to the point where I enjoy hearing the rumors about myself as much as everyone else does, and I'm not always sure which ones are accurate, either. Heh-heh-heh...
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  9. Aren't you a mixed martial arts fighter? Have you seen me? Ha! No, Anderson Silva is a very different person from Andersen Silva, and I've been around a few years longer than he has.
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  11. What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? What do you mean? An African or European swallow?
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  13. If the bird of (American) justice is the bald eagle, and the bird of peace is the dove, then what is the bird of happiness? The swallow.  :::grin:::
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  15. What would you do for a Klondike® Bar? Heeeyyy, now we're gettin' personal. The knowledge would probably shatter all your preconceived notions about me. Which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing, but I'm not going to let you risk it. Fragile eggshell minds...
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  17. How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man? What is "Blowin' in the wind," Alex?
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  19. How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? OK, now this is just getting silly. Where do you people come up with these questions?!?
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  21. Why haven't we seen more of Skinny the Foo? Now that is a good question! I'm glad you asked that. Wait a minute... no, I'm not. Well, the three characters I've created over the years (Skinny, Wombatman, and Chicken Fingers) may eventually get more exposure (woo-hoo!) on the site, but bear in mind that that is not the artistic field in which my talents, such as they are, lie.
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  23. I thought your hair was blond. It looks dark to me. It is. Dark blond. What is this, the Enquirer? For the record, I started life with incredibly blond hair, almost bleached-looking (I believe you could've called me "towheaded"), and over the years it's slowly gotten darker and darker. It's still considered blond, though, and the longer I let it grow, the more you can see the blondness. While we're discussing my physical attributes, my eyes really are blue, too, even if they do tend to turn red in camera flashes.
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  25. What's up with your hair, anyway? I get bored with my hairstyle. Some people change wardrobes constantly, get tattoos or piercings, dye their hair, accessorize: I just do something different with the hair on my head or on my face (or both). It's always fun to see the reactions to my going from shoulder-length hair to an inch-long spiky 'do. Or wearing a goatee for three weeks, then shaving it off. I have a fairly thick head of hair that grows quickly, so I've decided to use it as a canvas. Works for me...
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  27. Do you really have a thing for blondes? Yes. And I'm always willing to show it to them.  ;-)  I don't know why I prefer blondes; and keep your Freudian/Oedipal crap to yourself. Heh-heh-heh. Actually, my mother turned over to my possession in 2001 a letter I'd written (at the tender age of seven) to my young blonde "girlfriend" and given to my mom to mail; she never did, as I didn't even have an address on it. Wow, I started young... I don't like blondes exclusively, though, and my dating experiences will attest to that. So don't go taking the lyrics to "Blond on Blonde" too literally.
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  29. Why does love got to be so sad? That's grammatically incorrect, Eric. And I don't know anyway. Nor do I know who wrote the book of love, why you must be a teenager in love, who put the bomp in the bomp-bomp-bomp, or what's so funny 'bout peace, love, and understanding. Sorry. Go ask ? and the Mysterians.
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  31. Do you work here? AAAUUGGGHHHHHHH!!! Damn you people, do you follow me around?!? No, I do not work here!
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  33. Have you found Jesus? Is he missing again? Well, to be honest, I wasn't really looking for him; every man for himself, I say. Andy helps those who help themselves.
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  35. What is the meaning of life? There is no meaning, not inherently. Life is what you make of it. As I've been saying for years, you only go around once, make the most of it while you're here. Everybody's 'meaning' is unique.
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  37. Surely you can't be serious! I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.
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  39. Do you come here often? What?!? No one ever uses a pickup line on me. Heh-heh-heh... If by 'here' you mean the Web, well, yeah, I'm a regular here. There are days when I'm pretty sure the Matrix has me.
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  41. What's your marital status? Who's askin'? I'm very much single: engaged once, married never. I'd like someone "to have and hold, as the years go by and we grow old and grey," to quote Ringo, but I just don't know that that's going to happen. I'm perfectly comfortable doing things alone, but I find that very often it's more fun to have someone with whom to share experiences.
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  43. Who are/were your heroes? I don't think I've ever really considered anyone a hero. There's no one I would want to be 'just like.' No one is perfect, myself included, and I don't see why I should want my particular bundle of good and bad qualities to be identical to anyone else's, even if it were possible to emulate them that closely. People I've admired for one reason or another, however, include John Lennon, Pete Townshend, Mohandas Gandhi, Galileo Galilei, Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King, Jr., David Bowie, Preston Tucker, Boris Yeltsin, Tori Amos, Abraham Lincoln, Chuck Berry, the Dalai Lama, and Antonio and Zila Silva. These are, of course, only those names that came to mind at the moment...
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  45. Do you smoke? I have never smoked. Nothin'. Not a cigarette, not a joint, not a hookah, not turkey... I've just never been able to see the attraction. My father smoked 'til he was about 46, but obviously that wasn't an incentive for me to try it. In fact, I think it might've helped set my mind against the idea. Lighting something on fire and then sticking it in my face just never made any sense to me.
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  47. Do you, like, get high and stuff? Uh, no. Heh]. I have never heard a good reason for trying any mind-altering chemicals, and so I've never tried any, other than alcohol. Tequila's definitely messed me up, though. When I visited Cancún with Yesika, we of course took in copious amounts of the stuff; in one night, I awoke three times from vivid nightmares. And I rarely remember my dreams, let alone nightmares... Other than ethanol, however, I only take ibuprofen or pseudoephedrine when absolutely unavoidable. I'd rather tough it out and give my body a chance to fight its own battles. Though there have been many who've been certain that I must have dropped acid, or at least smoked pot, at some point in my life (I once heard a rumor that I dropped out of college after getting tangled up in drugs, and a girlfriend once assumed that the line in my "Not An Exit" lyrics, "Tried a little smack," was based on fact), the truth is that I never felt the urge to try. I didn't even drink, really, until I was 19 or 20, rather late by modern standards. My mind is a zany ride to begin with...
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  49. Pepsi or Coke? The joy of cola is... Pepsi!
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  51. Burger King or McDonald's? I think it's been a long time since people preferred either McD's or BK, and not one of the multitude of other fast food options. In high school, I was a die-hard ("yippie ki-yay...") Burger King fan. These days, if I really had to eat at one or the other, I'd probably lean towards the clown, but honestly I prefer White Castle for burgers, and Wendy's for chicken.
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  53. Mac or PC? I am practically a Mac evangelist. In fact, you could call me a Mac daddy... Heh. OK, I guess you couldn't. I prefer any Macintosh OS (having used almost every one from System 6.0.5 through OS X v10.10 Yosemite) to any of Microsoft's offerings. I also like to tinker with other operating systems, though, and have played with Ubuntu GNU/Linux, Solaris 11, IRIX 6.5, Android 5.0 (Lollipop), BeOS/Haiku, and others, running either on physical hardware or in virtual machines.
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  55. Boxers or briefs? I'm not sure why you're asking whether I prefer a breed of dog or a written legal document.
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  57. John or Paul? Well, I'm not really a Christian... oh, wait, you're talking about the Beatles, aren't you? That one's easy: John, definitely. I didn't really understand who John Lennon or the Beatles were in 1980, but I remember feeling sad when I heard that he'd been killed. A few years later, when I started listening to his music with and without the Beatles, and reading about the band and the man, I felt an affinity with him, and I still do. I believe my feelings on politics, capitalism, and religion have a lot in common with his, and I would have loved to have met the man and talked for hours and hours and hours... before picking up my guitar and trying to jam with him.
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  59. Half-full or half-empty? Who cares, it's somebody else's glass anyway...
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  61. Cats or dogs? I am most emphatically a cat person. Just worked out that way. I have nothing against dogs, and I've certainlymet my share of sweet, goofy canines, but I like that cats generally don't smell, are much more independent (often to the point of aloofness, but not always), and don't usually greet you at the door barking and jumping up and down maniacally. Heh. Cats almost always take to me immediately, too, and as I've always said I've got some cat blood in me, I guess they recognize the kinship<.
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  63. What is your favorite...? I don't like answering 'favorite' questions. Maybe it's the Libra in me (and there certainly have been enough people telling me that), but I generally have trouble picking one favorite band/album/song/movie/place to die/etc. I can name my favorite artist, at least; I love Salvador Dalí's work. For the curious (and/or bored), here is a list of other current favorites, subject to change on a whim:  
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  65. What... is your favorite color? Black. No, wait, purple... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
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  67. How's the music thing coming along? I'm glad you asked! I released I'll Live, a double album of originals (plus the Not An Exit-penned "Not An Exit" and the Greta's Unmentionables-penned "The Bite"), on November 11, 2016, and you can download it from the iTunes and Google Play Music Stores, among other sites. (Contact me if you'd rather have a physical CD.) Jon and I still occasionally work together as Not An Exit, and in early 2014 he and I got together with Anthony and Mike to form Greta's Unmentionables, a slightly more conventional rock band that jams in the studio when we can manage to get together.
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  69. What would your ultimate movie be? OK, this could never happen, but I'd love to see "Mel Brooks' 'Abbott and Costello Meet Godzilla vs. Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Wolfman in the Twilight Zone III.'" I mean, who wouldn't?
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  71. Is the Bugle Boy jeans story true? Just like all the other stories on my Anecdotes page, it is completely true. It's a humorous tale, but it also goes to show that a) I've had horrible luck with cars, and b) I don't know what b) is.
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  73. What is the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything? Forty-two. Obviously.
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  75. Are you for real? Is anybody for real? Really? I believe I've represented myself rather accurately on this Web site. Read all the writing, see all the pictures, and you will get some insight into the man behind... well, whatever it is I'm standing behind. Looks like a Wall from here... Is it all 100% factual and serious? Hell, no. But I also believe it's rather easy to differentiate the jokes from the reality. Most of the time. If not, then I'd be very interested in learning just what it is you think I am.
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  77. Are you unbreakable? No such luck. Heh-heh-heh... Well, it is true that I've never broken a bone, but I've certainly suffered my share of injuries. I've probably had at least three concussions - once requiring three stitches to my scalp, and once after the only time I've ever blacked out, in the shower - but my brain seems to take a licking and keep on ticking. Gashes on my big toe and on my finger that probably should have been stitched up, a Frisbee to the nose when I was very young, numerous sunburns (including one when I was really young that reportedly brought tears to the doctor's eyes)... I got chicken pox relatively late, when I was 16, and I've had two bouts with poison ivy, the second taking a month to clear up; overall, however, I've been remarkably free from serious disease and infection, and with the exception of a tonsillectomy and a brief bout with high blood pressure (and the afore-mentioned stitches), I've never had to spend more than thirty minutes in a doctor's office or hospital. I'm fairly certain it doesn't mean I'm a superhero, though, Superman complex or not...
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  79. What does "Better that your life be a blur than a blurb" mean? I thought it was obvious. Heh. I came up with this saying sometime around '98 or '99, and while it was originally intended to be somewhat tongue-in-cheek, it seems to have become something of a personal motto. If you can't break it down semantically, think of it this way: when you're dead and gone, would you like the list of your deeds and achievements to be dizzying in their scope and number, or would you rather have your eulogizer be able to sum up your entire life in a sentence or two? In other words, while I sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed by life, and it seems that I'm leaping from one thing to the next with barely a moment to breathe in between, I'd rather deal with the craziness and the pain than look back with regret on a not-quite-full life, on the things I never did, from my deathbed. "If you don't feel, then you're not alive..."
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  81. Will you ever lighten up? Who let you in here? I am an open-minded and fairly loose (in a manner of speaking) sort of fellow. I don't follow ideologies blindly, whether they're political, social, sexual, or superstitious in nature. But there are a handful of things (and people) I hold sacred, things (and people) I would die for. And when I feel, I feel with an incredible passion, the negative as well as the positive. It's the artist in me. I've absorbed a lot of pain, but pain's a funny thing. Some pain can never be completely swallowed; part of it will always be caught in the throat, rotting, inhibiting the passage of fresh air, and slowly choking one to death. There, that was pretty light, wasn't it?
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  83. What kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster! (OK, that was lighter)...
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  85. What's up with the parentheses and semicolons? Sheesh! I do make a lot of parenthetical remarks (sometimes even nested inside other ones {kinda like this!}), don't I? I'm not sure when it started, or why; I don't know about the semicolons, either. Apparently, they've just become part of my writing style. I've got a valid poetic license and will continue to write the way I like. End of question (no, really); on to the next.
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  87. I've heard you don't sleep much. I'm sorry, that wasn't phrased in the form of a question... It's true, though. If it weren't for the physical requirements of this damned corporeal mass, I wouldn't sleep at all. Alas, that's not really an option, as the infrequent all-nighter still demonstrates. In my 30s, I was averaging 4½ - 5½ hours a night, but these days I try to keep it closer to six.
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  89. Are you a Jedi or something? These aren't the answers you're looking for. Move along.
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  91. Why do you have so many computers? Why do you ask so many questions?!? Well, way back in the day, I used to be a one-computer kinda guy. I had a Timex Sinclair 1000, which was replaced by a Commodore VIC-20, which was replaced in turn by a Commodore 128... When I bought the Apple Performa 550, my first Macintosh, in 1994, I kept the 128 for a while, but eventually I sold it to a friend (a mistake, in hindsight). A few years later, I bought a used PC from my job, which was a bit old but still faster than the Performa... and that was around the time that I started keeping more than one working computer around. A few have come and gone, but many have remained; as of April 2015, I have fifteen working computers (and two that won't boot, an iBook SE that probably needs a new power supply and an iMac that needs a new hard drive). OK, maybe I have a little bit of a problem...
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  93. Um... "Sexiest Geek Alive?" No, I didn't even come close to winning it, but yes, I was very briefly in the running. Heh-heh... I was entered into the May 2001 online voting poll, and supposedly did well initially, but didn't win and therefore was not a finalist for the second annual Sexiest Geek Alive pageant, in San José in June. No big loss; I had trouble believing I was either sexy enough or geeky enough to be considered in the first place<.
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  95. What tattoos and/or piercings do you have? I have never gotten tattooed or pierced, and at this point, I probably never will. (Although I was close to being talked into getting a tat by my friend Kerri during an inebriated night in the Village while celebrating my 36th birthday...) I have nothing against tattoos or piercings in general, though I have seen some of each that were just no attractive at all; I've just never found a drawing, a word, or a phrase that meant so much to me that I needed to imprint it permanently on my skin. I also have to admit to a certain stubbornness; rock musicians these days seem to feel like they have to have tats and/or piercings to be cool and legit, and I call bullshit. I have joked about getting a third eye tattooed in the middle of my forehead for the shock value, but... no...
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  97. Are we there yet? No!
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  99. Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care?
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  101. What's that up in the road, a head? No, no, no! It's "What's that up in the road ahead?!?"
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  103. Can you hear me now? What?
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  105. Why don't you just drop dead? While I am aware that people just drop dead all the time, apparently there's more effort involved in my case, and so I'm going to stick with the status quo. But thanks for asking.
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  107. When did you last update this page? April 1, 2015, right around... 8:32 PM Eastern Daylight.
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  109. Why are there so few questions here? Well, these are only the frequently asked questions. Ask me some more, repeatedly, and I'll add them to the list. Let's have a little audience participation here!
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