Vitriol
© 2000 by Andersen Silva (12-30-00)

Time, time, time, see what's become of me...

It's snowing outside, really snowing. I've already fired off an angry E-mail to Steve and Laurie, as I'm sure their moving to Florida somehow precipitated this (and yes, the pun was intended). Well, fortunately I have neither need nor reason to leave the apartment today; hopefully, I can now finish up "Source of Pain" and look into my potentially broken toe. (I don't think it's actually broken, but it hasn't felt quite right since I smashed it into the doorway yesterday afternoon.) I don't know what this is going to mean for Dawn and Dave's New Year's Eve party, though...

A new month, a new year, a new decade, a new century, and a new millennium, all coming at midnight tomorrow. And don't bother trying to argue; you haven't a chance. ;) If you accept the calendar system the Christian world has been using for hundreds of years, then the decade, century, and millennium all start on a year ending in -1 and end on a year ending in -0. Not that it matters in the long run, of course, but mathematics is dictated by logic, and I'm sticking by my principles.

My New Year's resolution? 800 by 600 pixels, same as this year. ;) Sorry, couldn't resist. I'm not really big on resolutions, but there are some goals I want to meet in 2001. I want to get my CD's worth of songs recorded. I want to start writing fiction again, and get my autobiographical writings up-to-date. I'm going to try giving up coffee (at least 'every weekday morning at work' coffee) and swearing. Not that I swear very much, or very strongly, but dammit (heh), I'm a writer; I've got such a vast vocabulary from which to choose my words, I don't need to resort to the usual suspects.

My life changed drastically two years ago today. Acting on a difficult and painful decision, I consciously altered the course of my future. Little did I know how many feelings and events would be set in motion as a result, how the past would come back to haunt me, how so much joy and even more pain would overwhelm me many months later, and how severely other lives would be affected as well. Not that I regret the decision, it was the necessary and correct one. Had I done things a little differently, had I acted earlier, however, maybe things would've turned out slightly better, for all involved.

I once thought I was going to get a chance, with my Scully, to redeem myself (at least in my own eyes; she, angel that she was, never condemned me for my errors), to make up for all the pain by devoting myself to her happiness for the rest of her life. As usual, events didn't play out that way. I still miss her, every day. I'm rather certain I always will. But I know that I've got to get out, at least partly, from under the dark cloud hanging over me.

I think of this changing of the millennium as another chance to start afresh. For myself, in that I'm going to try to stop thinking of her as the only woman for me. I'm going to try to stop mourning, though again, she'll never leave my heart or my mind entirely. I'm not going to dwell on the mistakes I've made and browbeat myself for them, but rather learn from them and avoid repeating them. I'm going to try to regain some of my lost optimism. I will not tolerate ignorance or hatred quietly. I'm not going to pay a lot for this muffler!

I'd like to see the world take this opportunity to start over, as well. Israel and the Palestinians need to pull back from the brink and finalize an agreement. Maybe India and Pakistan can finally do the same. China and Taiwan seem to be taking a tentative first step towards working together. As much as I didn't want him elected, I wish President-elect Bush good luck, and I hope he can further the causes of peace and justice in our nation and, to such extent as is reasonable, in the rest of the world. I hope the unwinnable war in Chechnya ends soon. I hope Peru becomes freer, and the Chilean government and military allow justice to prevail with regards to the lizard Pinochet. It'd be nice if Milosevic got his, too.

Happy New Year, everyone, and happy new millennium, too. May the next thousand years be better for human cooperation than the last... - A


April 2004 - The real final Vitriol, Howard Stern, Dubya, etc.
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March 2004 - Dining out with my baby, Virtual PC, and the end of Vitriol... or is it?
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February 2004 - Two weeks between jobs, three new songs, grabbing Panther by the tail
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January 2004 - Ice skating with Gina, sushi at my sister's wedding, war-riding, the pink slip
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December 2003 - Moving pains, goin' places with Gina, Christmas bells
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November 2003 - The looong month of October, finding an apartment, Ozzy's gone
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October 2003 - I'm in love with her and I feel fine, Boston, the Dalai Lama, apartment for rent?
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September 2003 - Andy, happy? it could happen!, taking time off from work, Ringo Starr, "Discworld," the blackout
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August 2003 - (W)here (M)ight (D)ose WMDs be?, gay marriages and the people who fear them, '80s metal bands, Computer Man to the rescue, Philadelphia freedom
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July 2003 - Boondocks.net is back!, rudeness on public transportation and elsewhere, "Hole in the Wall"
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June 2003 - Science fiction movies, where is Boondocks.net?, still no weapons of misconstruction...
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May 2003 - How 'bout them weapons of mass distraction, huh?, Def Leppard, Michael Palin, another Silva, wireless networking, and a damned good raspberry margarita
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April 2003 - They're still French fries, dammit!, a new guitar for Andy, music-music-music
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March 2003 - The buildup for, and the protesting against, war
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February 2003 - The destruction of the Columbia, the National Day of Poetry Against the War, hard and soft atheism, Pete Townshend, and the gift shop
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January 2003 - Christmas loot, "Swingin'," more war talk
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December 2002 - The year in review, moving again?!?, moving world leaders around, too
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November 2002 - "Scarlet's Walk" and Tori's penguin, jackasses, and killing in the name of...
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October 2002 - Boston, Aimee Mann, and Palpatine/Bush
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September 2002 - George Darius Bush and George Xerxes Bush
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August 2002 - Movin' out of Paisan-town, and far away from the Regal Beagle
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July 2002 - Church and state: you gotta keep 'em separated, Dubya still doesn't want to play nice with the rest of the world, John Entwistle's gone
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June 2002 - Movin' on from town to town, Dave Barry and the Rock Bottom Remainders
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May 2002 - Science fiction movies everywhere!, jail time for virus creators, Dubya finally learns to pronounce 'occupation,' Andy gets a promotion?!?
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April 2002 - Terrorism on both sides of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, people who don't interact with me or the Web site, "For Dana" to be released on a compilation CD
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March 2002 - Chip implants, the children of God and the followers of Christ commit murder in His name, ultranationalism American style
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February 2002 - Dubya says, "These pretzels are making me- ack!" Sharon continues playing Napoleon, and... the return of Foogar?
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January 2002 - Rob Zombie, Ozzy Osbourne, and other Christmas-related items, stealin' cars, karaoke!
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December 2001 - George meets his sweet lord, terrorists EVERYwhere!, Tomb Raider II finished finally, and the Segway, finally!
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November 2001 - Anthrax (the band), WSOU rocks - but for how much longer? and a minute of silence?
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October 2001 - Osama bin Laden and anthrax and the women who love them
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September 2001 - Governments and armies and the assholes who love them, more misspellings, and a large lack of feedback
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August 2001 - Dubya's isolationism, the Macedonians and Albanians search for peace the Israeli/Palestinian way, 2004 Olympics in Beijing
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July 2001 - Not the Sexiest Geek Alive, war (what is it good for?), murdering citizens American-style
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June 2001 - A dead hitchhiker, the Taliban, and an independent Senator Jeffords
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May 2001 - Joey Ramone's dead, and "Joey Ramone's Dead"
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April 2001 - Brazil (not the Terry Gilliam film), Dubya and carbon dioxide, Yugoslavia begins coming to its senses, Israel and the Palestinians still haven't come to theirs...
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March 2001 - New look for the Web site, upcoming vacation in Brazil!, the pig-headed Taliban, "Hannibal"
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February 2001 - Tomb Raider II, Dubya plays with his new toys, nature plays with El Salvador and India, and the inevitable Chechnya and Israel/Palestinians references
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January 2001 - Snow, a new year/decade/century/millennium, screen resolutions
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December 2000 - The iBook, "The X-Files," the Grinch, the pathetic turn of events in the U.S. elections...
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November 2000 - Got the iBook! the Village Parade, trouble still brewin' in the Mideast, the upcoming U.S. elections...
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October 2000 - Andy turns 30, the Middle East, the anniversary of the invasion of Chechnya...
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September 2000 - A random act of kindness, Great Adventure, new music, new iBooks?
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August 2000 - Palestine and the Israelis, Milosevic, Speight, and breaking the speed of light!
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July 2000 - Israel & the Palestinians, the missile defense shield, and (who'da thunk it?) Chechnya
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June 2000 - Um, Chechnya again, gun-totin' Charlton Heston, misspellings, and xenophobes
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May 2000 - Communism on the last May Day of the twentieth century, and Andy's life ("Don't talk to me about life...")
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April 2000 - Hold on, it's more Chechnya rantin', and an appeal on behalf of a friend caught behind red tape
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March 2000 - Hey, hey, Pinochet, Russia and China won't go away, "The X-Files," the American presidential race, and a prelude to vacation
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February 2000 - Again with the Chechens, and Elián, Pinochet, mp3.com vs. the recording industry, and snow
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January 2000 - Made it through January 1st, Syria and Israel, public transportation, and, er, Chechnya
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December 1999 - Indonesia comes apart, Chechnya (no shit), Seattle's burning, 'n Happy Xmas
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November 1999 - Halloween, my bad knee, Russians? in Chechnya?!? Buchanan and the Reform Party, NIN
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October 1999 - Hurricane on the East Coast, earthquakes in Taiwan, Turkey, and Greece, and Apple Computers
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September 1999 - I'm not getting you down, am I? I'd hate to think I was getting you down...

- - - the Dark Ages (reprise) - - -

April 1999 - the return of Vitriol, Kosovo, a foreshadowing of the Russian invasion of Chechnya (!), and Libya

- - - the Dark Ages - - -

September-November 1995 - the Underground Press Conference, a co-worker bites the dust, Rabin really bites the dust, Remington Bond, Win95, and the Sex Pistols
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August 1995 - the death penalty, the V-chip and violence in pop culture, and "TV Nation"
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June 1995 - Oklahoma City, 'zines, "The X-Files" and "V.R.5"
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March 1995 - I'm sick!, the space program (ha), alt.zines, "Star Trek" and "Voyager"
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February 1995 - the very first Vitriol! Newt Gingrich, political correctness, media overkill, Howard Stern, the Apple goon squad?
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