Time, time, time, see what's become of me...
It's snowing outside, really snowing. I've already fired off an angry E-mail to Steve and Laurie, as I'm sure their moving to Florida somehow precipitated this (and yes, the pun was intended). Well, fortunately I have neither need nor reason to leave the apartment today; hopefully, I can now finish up "Source of Pain" and look into my potentially broken toe. (I don't think it's actually broken, but it hasn't felt quite right since I smashed it into the doorway yesterday afternoon.) I don't know what this is going to mean for Dawn and Dave's New Year's Eve party, though...
A new month, a new year, a new decade, a new century, and a new millennium, all coming at midnight tomorrow. And don't bother trying to argue; you haven't a chance. ;) If you accept the calendar system the Christian world has been using for hundreds of years, then the decade, century, and millennium all start on a year ending in -1 and end on a year ending in -0. Not that it matters in the long run, of course, but mathematics is dictated by logic, and I'm sticking by my principles.
My New Year's resolution? 800 by 600 pixels, same as this year. ;) Sorry, couldn't resist. I'm not really big on resolutions, but there are some goals I want to meet in 2001. I want to get my CD's worth of songs recorded. I want to start writing fiction again, and get my autobiographical writings up-to-date. I'm going to try giving up coffee (at least 'every weekday morning at work' coffee) and swearing. Not that I swear very much, or very strongly, but dammit (heh), I'm a writer; I've got such a vast vocabulary from which to choose my words, I don't need to resort to the usual suspects.
My life changed drastically two years ago today. Acting on a difficult and painful decision, I consciously altered the course of my future. Little did I know how many feelings and events would be set in motion as a result, how the past would come back to haunt me, how so much joy and even more pain would overwhelm me many months later, and how severely other lives would be affected as well. Not that I regret the decision, it was the necessary and correct one. Had I done things a little differently, had I acted earlier, however, maybe things would've turned out slightly better, for all involved.
I once thought I was going to get a chance, with my Scully, to redeem myself (at least in my own eyes; she, angel that she was, never condemned me for my errors), to make up for all the pain by devoting myself to her happiness for the rest of her life. As usual, events didn't play out that way. I still miss her, every day. I'm rather certain I always will. But I know that I've got to get out, at least partly, from under the dark cloud hanging over me.
I think of this changing of the millennium as another chance to start afresh. For myself, in that I'm going to try to stop thinking of her as the only woman for me. I'm going to try to stop mourning, though again, she'll never leave my heart or my mind entirely. I'm not going to dwell on the mistakes I've made and browbeat myself for them, but rather learn from them and avoid repeating them. I'm going to try to regain some of my lost optimism. I will not tolerate ignorance or hatred quietly. I'm not going to pay a lot for this muffler!
I'd like to see the world take this opportunity to start over, as well. Israel and the Palestinians need to pull back from the brink and finalize an agreement. Maybe India and Pakistan can finally do the same. China and Taiwan seem to be taking a tentative first step towards working together. As much as I didn't want him elected, I wish President-elect Bush good luck, and I hope he can further the causes of peace and justice in our nation and, to such extent as is reasonable, in the rest of the world. I hope the unwinnable war in Chechnya ends soon. I hope Peru becomes freer, and the Chilean government and military allow justice to prevail with regards to the lizard Pinochet. It'd be nice if Milosevic got his, too.
Happy New Year, everyone, and happy new millennium, too. May the next thousand years be better for human cooperation than the last... - A