Being...
the adventures of a youngish man whose principal interests are knowledge, beauty, and music

© 2004 by Andersen Silva (6-3-04)

Everyone smiles and tells me to cheer up,
  None understands I'm standing in the rain.
A phrase or a song, a place where we once supped;
  Everything now is just a source of pain.

May was a hard month. Between Gina's going away for an extended weekend and our consecutive bouts of not feeling well, my honey and I didn't get to spend nearly enough time together these past four weeks as I'd've liked. Sigh... The absence of her is always a palpable weight on my shoulders, lifted only by my seeing her again.

The month wasn't all bad, of course. We did go out for brunch on Mother's Day with my family and my brother-in-law's family, and Gina's daughter Hannah stole the spotlight once again. She showed herself to be quite a ham, reveling in the pictures I took with the digital camera and insisting on seeing each before calling for another. Gina and I got a picture together with our officially licensed 'Neo' and 'Trinity' sunglasses, too. Heh-heh... I made my first meat loaf one night, which we enjoyed with some rice pilaf and veggies. And I prepared a nice chicken parmigiana dinner, with gnocchi and sun-dried tomatoes instead of spaghetti, to celebrate Gina's birthday. Yummy cheesecake, too... and I think she liked all her presents, including the emerald ring. She got flowers twice last month, and a Vermont Teddy Bear for Mother's Day. And Gina and I took my parents and Hannah out for dinner for my father's birthday at the end of the month; it was Gina's first taste of Cuban (well, other than Cuban sandwiches), and we all enjoyed our meals.

I finished recording the last track I needed for Joy in the New, "Today," in May as well; in fact, the song is dedicated to Gina as a birthday gift. The album's artwork was completed and put together last month, too, and I started mixing everything for the final package, though that won't be completed until (hopefully) this month. I expect the album itself will be replicated and ready for sale by mid-July. E-mail me for more info... There's stuff for sale in the Shop, go check it out.

June has started out very badly, though. Gina has ended our relationship.   :\  We were happy together, and we still care for each other very deeply, but my love is still working through some issues in her life and has decided that it would be better and fairer for us both if she worked through them alone. I'm not at all certain I agree, but I don't have a choice in the matter. We shared a very painful episode this past month, and I think it helped push her toward a decision she'd been struggling with for a while. I can only hope that she comes through this still wanting to be with me. "If she knew what she wants / He'd be giving it to her..." At the moment, I'm finding it hard to sleep or eat. Or breathe. Saturday night, we held hands under the dinner table, and had strawberry shortcake and coffee at my parents'; Monday night, she told me she felt she wasn't being fair to me and had to let me go for both our sakes.

There's nothing more to be said, really. Either love will find a way, and my life can be happy again, or it won't, and the depression will smother me once more. It's ironic that I'll be releasing an album called Joy in the New, with several happy songs I wrote for/about her, just a few weeks after she broke my heart. Nonetheless, it will still be dedicated to her. Talk to you next month...
  - A (webmaster@andersensilva.com)


June 2006 - "Desperation," concerts, where's my music been?
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May 2006 - Nothing too exciting for Cinco de Mayo, fresh blood at Microwize, Apple v. Apple
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April 2006 - Late night at the office, a trip to DC
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March 2006 - Aimee Mann, fillin' up the iPod, science fiction, a trigger-happy veep?
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January 2006 - In the paper again, my own iPod, on my own
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December 2005 - Where is everybody?!? "Christmas Lonely"
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November 2005 - Arizona, the Palisades Center, alone again... naturally
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October 2005 - 35 and still alive, an Ovation and not a Tanglewood, anyone for tennis?
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September 2005 - The city of New Orleans, Rome, CBGB, let's joust!
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August 2005 - Microsoft Winblows, no Transit Village for you!, songs 'n guitars
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July 2005 - The Fourth, the Ozonic, "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe"
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June 2005 - Lunch with Gina, a penguin from her penguin, hongry for Nine Inch Nails, "Episode III" and "Hitchhiker's"
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May 2005 - My new PowerBook, HHGttG, the end of the Astronomy Tip of the Day
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April 2005 - The Children's Museum, the Philadelphia Museum of Art, the Dark Tower, the Dell
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March 2005 - Snow, my sushi valentine, technical difficulties (please stand by)
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February 2005 - It's BSD, it's dynamite! the Dalai Lama, Zhao Ziyang, fruit with "Raymond"
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January 2005 - A frightening New Year's, spaghetti and meatballs (and Christmas gifts!) with Gina and Hannah, Samichlaus
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December 2004 - A fun evening with Gina and Hannah, test-taking, partaking of the library
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November 2004 - A lot can change in twelve months
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October 2004 - My birthday and my honey
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September 2004 - Anniversary, spreadin' the word about the CD, dumb E-mails and the women who send them
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August 2004 - Philadelphia freedom, the album is finished, where did my parents go?
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July 2004 - Together again!; playin' guitar in the park, promoting the album
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June 2004 - Mother's Day, Gina's day, preparing the CD... don't dream it's over. Please don't
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May 2004 - Gina being so far away from me, chicken cordon bleu, Macintosh consulting, the album
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April 2004 - No more Vitriol, lovin' and cookin' for my pretty baby, upgrading to a Treo 600, working on my music
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